


Kiss Me Like You Mean It

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Boys Kissing, Cheating, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Mentioned Mark Lee (NCT), Pining, Rough Kissing, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 07:44:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15190067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Did you say something?”Jeno bit his lip, lowering his gaze. He clenched his fists, searching for the right words:“How…?”How long are you planning to wait? How long are you going to stay like this? How long are you going to wait for him? How long this love will last?





	Kiss Me Like You Mean It

When Renjun started to check on his phone -about 90% of the time- Jeno could easily tell that something had changed. As a mater of fact, anyone could tell something had changed. It wasn’t just the whole “phone-checking” phase, but the face he made while going through the messages. For Jeno, so used to snickers and his wicked tongue, those blushes and shy smiles from Renjun were as refreshing as an ice cream during summer.

The rumor of _“he is finally dating someone!”_ started to spread quickly, followed by the disappointment from a lot of the girls in the school and the disbelief of the guys on the same class.

“Is it true?” leaning towards Renjun, hands on his pockets, looking carefree and indifferent, Jeno was the first one who actually bothered to ask.

Renjun lifted his gaze of the phone and looked at Jeno with bright eyes; he scratched the back of his head with a beautiful smile fluttering on his lips.

Jeno didn’t have to ask again.

 

* * *

 

The year’s graduation was considered one of the most important moments for them. It was always hard to say goodbye to seniors they were friends with and admired, even if it wasn’t forever. That’s why the graduation ceremony ended with their class, crimson cheeks and bright eyes, laughing and sobbing under a light rain of cherry blossoms.

When, after the ceremony, Renjun suddenly disappeared, everyone just decided to ignore it, giving the boy enough time to say good bye to the person he admired the most. A senior who graduated. Mark Lee.

It wasn’t a secret how Renjun felt, at least for the close knit friends group. Feeling his throat dry, Jeno went for a drink and accidently came across Renjun, who was hiding behind a pillar with a certain someone. Jeno found himself holding his breath while eavesdropping, squinting his eyes:

“…you won’t get rid of me easily.” On Renjun’s mouth, it sounded as a sweet menace, but it was a promise that brought a smile on the older one’s face. Jeno saw Renjun standing on the tip of his feet, clenching his hands on the white shirt, tilting his head as he closed his eyes and parted his cherry pink lips.

By the moment Renjun was back, he had a cheesy smile and a clenched fist. Everyone wondered how it was possible for him to smile like that in such a sad day.

Only Jeno knew.

 

* * *

 

“No phones allowed!” Jeno shout from behind, making the rest of their group burst into laughter.

It became usual to see Renjun with the phone on his hand, as he was expecting something. After the usual buzz on his pocket, the boy would reach to his phone and answer it right away, as if his life was on the line. It was inevitable that his friends would mess with him, throwing clever commentaries like _“got a jealous girlfriend?” “Shouldn’t we ban phones from our study sessions?”_ just to make him nervous.

Renjun blushed -he actually _blushed_ \- and stuck his phone back in the pocket. Turning to his group, he fixed his jacket and smiles with eyes full of focus:

“Let’s start studying!”

 

* * *

 

Long distance relationships seem hard and Jeno felt blissful for not having to deal with one. It was enough for him to deal with his very own unrequited love.

“I’m not mad… I know you got a busy agenda…”

Jeno looked down at Renjun, who was sitting on the stairs outside the ground. The jacket barely kept him warm, not at that time in the morning, but he didn’t say a word. Renjun kept talking, even when it was cold and his breath came out of his mouth as steam, holding the phone like it was a very precious treasure so frail it could break if it slid through his fingers. Jeno knew what he treasured wasn’t the cheap phone but the delicate button hanging as a strap.

They usually texted each other during the day, but calls and real conversations were only possible at that time. In Canada it was probably afternoon by that time and that’s why Renjun had to wake up at 2:00 am, just to answer.

Renjun used to sneak away from the dorms to talk. It didn’t matter how tired he was, he always answered, even when he ended up showing at classes with bags under his eyes or yawning during their hangouts.

“Take care and don’t hesitate to call me, anytime, it’s okay.” Renjun lifted his gaze at Jeno, lips curving into a tired smile. “Me too, Mark hyung…” He mouthed, before hanging and letting his head fall between his knees. Renjun sighed loudly and then stood up, stretching his arms over his head and turning to face Jeno. “Thanks for watching over.”

“I don’t mind.” Jeno shrugged off "Is worse if someone catches you outside at this time, we can’t let our golden boy get in trouble."

Wrapping his arm around Jeno’s neck and pulling him close to him to rub his cheek against his, Renjun whispered on his ear.

“You are my knight in a shiny armor, Jeno.” The warm breath caressed the sking of his ears, making the blood rush to his cheeks.

“Shut up or I’ll steal that precious phone of yours!”

He wondered how he could be so stupid to go out in the middle of the night, shrinking on his jacket, shivering as he saw Renjun yearning over someone who wasn’t him.

Renjun smiled and Jeno snorted, his face flushed and the arm still around his shoulders. It didn’t matter how cold was at that time, Renjun always found a way to keep him warm.

 

* * *

 

There was one night he didn’t call at all. Jeno could tell without a doubt that was the longest night for Renjun.

They sat on the stairs near to the ground, side by side, Renjun leaning his head on his shoulder as he held the phone with a languid hand. As comfortable as he was, Jeno realized it was meaningless to keep waiting on the cold. Mark wouldn't call that night. And still, Renjun gave no signal of wanting to go back to his room.

Looking down at Renjun, his eyes hid under thick eyelashes, Jeno called his name. When Renjun didn't answer he tried again, this time settling a hand on his shoulder. Renjun startled, eyelashes fluttering and suddenly meeting Jeno's eyes. The boy blurted an apology and ran a hand through his hair, trying to pull a smile.

“Did you say something?”

Jeno bit his lip, lowering his gaze. He clenched his fists, searching for the right words:

“How…?”

_How long are you planning to wait? How long are you going to stay like this? How long are you going to wait for him? How long this love will last?_

Renjun tilted his head, resting his crimson cheek on the palm of his hand, looking at him with half lidded eyes.

"How what?" He mouthed, hazel irises glistening despite the darkness of the night.

“H-How far is Canada from South Korea?” Jeno asked, his face heating up. _I’m so stupid._

Renjun blinked and then laughed, slapping his thighs as Jeno glared at him.

“If I recall correctly..." He pursed his lips, peering up, calculating. "About 8,574 km.”

His hands gripped on his knees, jealousy swirling in his stomach like a dangerous snake. He had to bite his lip, scared of saying something hurtful that he would later regret.

_Idiot._

“That’s not a problem.” Renjun added, catching Jeno's attention. He looked at his friend, hope sparking on his eyes "You know what they said… The red string of fate can stretch and tangled, it won’t break.”

 

* * *

 

Something really interesting about the whole situation was how Renjun’s face would light up after reading one of those texts he used to get during the day. Jeno also noticed how, over the time and as the seasons change, the phone started to buzz less and less and Renjun got more and more gloomy.

The calls that, at the beginning, were made every day started to be made just three times on a week. The texts that Renjun usually got two or three times during the day became -if he was lucky- a single long text on weekends.

Jeno wondered what would happen with Renjun once the phone stops buzzing.

 

* * *

 

When heavy rain started to fall, the last thing Jeno expected was to find Renjun at their school field, on his knees, groping the dirty grass with his hands as he desperately seem to search for something.

“What are you doing?!” he shouted when he reach Renjun.

“I lost it… I--” Renjun looked up, pale and shivering, soaked from head to toe. His pupils trembled as much as his hands and the drops of waters run on his cheeks as tears. “--The phone strap Mark hyung gave to me, it fell, I have to find it, I have to--!“

Jeno looked at Renjun like he didn’t know him, because that person, that hopeless person kneeling on the field, with brushed hands and dirty knees, couldn’t be his Renjun.

He couldn't help to wonder if love was worth that much, to lose himself and his pride.

He got on his knees and settled a hand on Renjun’s shoulder, squeezing hard as he spoke, darkened eyes looking at the emotional mess Renjun was in that moment.

“We are going to find it.”

Widened eyes, Renjun stared at him, clenching his fists. His body stopped trembling and he managed to smile shyly.

As Jeno joined Renjun on the search, he realized he was as hopeless as Renjun.

Renjun didn’t even bother to turn on the lights as he entered his own room. His bare feet let a wet trail of footprints on the floor as he reached the bed, where he sat. The mattress sunk under his weight, sheets getting wet.

“You idiot…” Jeno drop a towel on Renjun’s head and proceeded to dry his hair because Renjun had no intention to do it. He wasn’t even looking at him, staring at his feet. “If you catch a cold we are going to have problems.”

“I won’t get sick. I' m not that weak.” Renjun whispered.

After an hour of looking, they found nothing. Jeno had to drag Renjun back to the dorms because he refused to leave until he found the phone strap.

“Mark hyung gave that to me, how could I lose it?” Renjun said, sinking to the bed. 

Jeno pursed his lip and got on one knee, taking Renjun’s face between his hands, forcing him to look at him in the eye. He wanted to call him a stupid, tell him how pointless was to get all worked up over that kind of stuff, tell him to just break with that guy and find someone else to fall in love, someone who didn’t call him just twice on a week and who actually answered his texts, someone who wasn’t a thousand of kilometers far away and who could promise him to stay with him.

Because Jeno knew, deep down, Renjun promised to wait, but Mark never promised to come back.

Jeno wanted to say a a lot of cruel things but before he could, Renjun dared to smile.

“Thank you for your help…” Renjun looked at him through his glasses, big shiny eyes staring at his friend. “I’m so sorry...”

Jeno swore under his breath, grabbing Renjun’s shirt and pulling him close, their mounths clashing. Renjun didn’t react until Jeno bit his lips and pushed him down the bed, caging Renjun's lithe frame between his legs with his knees sunk on either side.

Jeno knew he was taking advantage of Renjun, that those kisses were stolen, that his heart belonged to another person and just because he managed to get Renjun to kiss him back, that didn’t mean his love was requited.

He ignored the fact that, definitely, this wasn’t Renjun’s first time, that Renjun knew how to move his lips and use his tongue, that Renjun knew exactly how to respond and more to how messily and desperately Jeno was kissing him.

And when the phone started to buzz, Jeno didn’t stop, even when Renjun whined because his precious Mark was calling. 

Jeno kissed Renjun harder and faster, messy strings of saliva connecting their lips, Renjun's nails scratched down the skin of his arms, leaving a trail of pink marks over his skin. With the energy of a desperate lover, Jeno laid loud open mouthed kisses on his jaw and trailed to his neck, where he sucked noisily all over until he was sure he left marks. Renjun cried loud and call his name repeatedly. He didn’t give Renjun a chance to stop him, shutting him with wet, sloopy kisses, until there was again thin threads of saliva joining his mouths once they parted.

Trembling, his arms failed and he fell above Renjun’s body, hiding his face on Renjun's shoulders. Heart pounding on his ears and Jeno felt he could stay like that forever, just the both of them.

"...Get off," A hoarse voice asked, a voiced that belong to the body beneath him, "Please."

Jeno felt his heart sinking on his stomach. He apologized and rolled over, lying next to Renjun, missing the warmth of his body. Silence fell around them. Jeno expected the boy to punch him or kick him out of the bed, but he fell asleep, listening to Renjun’s breathing.

 

* * *

 

The sound of Renjun’s voice woke him up early in the morning. The first thing his eyes saw was the slender back, bathed by the orange sunlight that entered through the curtains, trembling as he talked to Mark, holding the phone next to his ear. Jeno stared at him, realizing how far he was and how close those two actually were. Those kilometers were nothing compared to the distance between Renjun and him. It didn’t matter that he could reach his back just by extending his hand or that he kissed him, because Renjun wasn’t there, with him. His mind and heart were far, far away… 8,574 km to be precise.

The last thing Jeno heard before leaving the room in silence, was Renjun’s sweet voice apologizing again and again, not for kissing someone else, but for losing the phone strap.

 

* * *

 

Needless to say, after leaving Renjun’s room that day, Jeno didn’t have the courage to look at him in the eye. The time passed by with the usual rainy days, the phone checking at classes and tired eyes looking through the windows. Sometimes, he felt his gaze over him, but when he tried to meet his eyes, Renjun would look away.

As he waited for the sun to rise, Jeno found himself spending the mornings on their school field, wanting to do _something_ to chase away the bitter taste of guilt.

Renjun didn’t know what Jeno was upto, until he entered his room without knocking on an especially rainy day.

Widened eyes, Renjun rose from the bed, getting on his feet as he looked for a towel.

"Just what are you doing?” He asked, rushing to help Jeno to dry his hair. “Don't tell me... have you been going out in this weather?”

Face covered in dirt, Jeno stepped inside the room as Renjun backed off.

“Give me your hand!” He asked, with his fists strongly clenched. Drops of water slid down his hair, dampening his clothes, a small pool forming around his feet.

The smaller boy blinked, curious eyes staring at a breathless Jeno.

He did as he was told and his friend opened his fist above Renjun’s hand, a phone strap slowly falling. Renjun held his breath, quivering irises focused on phone strap he was searching for like a crazed person presented to him. He closed his fist, bringing it close to his chest. When he lifted his gaze, his eyes sparkled with something Jeno couldn't name.

“Thank you…” His sweet voice and eyes dampened with tears, Renjun finally smiled like he hadn't done in weeks.

Jeno fell for Renjun, again.

 

* * *

 

Jeno never had the chance to see Renjun crying. Not like _this_.

That's why when he found Renjun sitting on the bench, holding the phone next to his eyes as the tears rolled down his cheeks, rage pulsed on his core, blood boiling with rage at the image. He cut the distance between them and snatched the phone away from Renjun's hands.

“Stop!” he shouted into the phone, high enough so the whole school could hear, high enough so Renjun wouldn’t forget. “Stop calling, stop playing with him, get out of his life!” Jeno shoved a hand on his face, unable to hold his voice. “If you can’t be with him leave him alone, let him be with-” Jeno stopped, biting his tongue. His face grew redder and redder. “Let him be with me!”

A hand on his face shut him and then he realized it was Renjun and realized he was also crying and he just dropped the phone and wrapped his arms around Renjun, pulling him closer, squeezing his boody tightly . They hugged until Renjun told him he couldn’t breathe and Jeno relented, still too scared of letting him go, because he couldn’t let Renjun go and lost himself again.

Just when he calmed down, Renjun gently pushed Jeno away to cup his face between his hands. The wet trail of tears on his cheeks made him insecure, but Renjun wasn’t laughing at him.

“Give me a break, won’t you?” Renjun asked, wiping the tears off his eyes. “I already broke up with him, Jeno.”

Jaw dropping, Jeno paled, blinked repeatedly.

“W-What? When?”

“When you took the phone away the call was already over.” He confessed, taking his seat again on the bench. “Before you found that stupid phone strap for me, I had already broken up with him.” He chuckled.

Jeno tried to process everything but couldn’t do it fast enough. And before he could say something, Renjun was speaking again.

“I knew he wouldn’t come back….” Renjun shuddered, running a hand over his eyes. He then laughed. “He won’t come back. I-” Renjun threw his head back and took a sharp breath “-I told him I’ll wait because-” He cleared his throat. “--I thought he would come back; but, he never promised me to come back. It wasn’t his fault, you know… I forced him into this relationship…”

“You didn’t force anyone!” Jeno insisted, tired of listening to Renjun blaming himself over every single mistake on that relationship.

“I did, I was really stubborn and never accepted a no.” Renjun confessed, glancing with playful eyes at Jeno. “Even when we did stuff together it was because I insisted so much.”

Jeno flushed and looked away, listening to Renjun’s light laugh.

“Don’t have to tell me that.” The whole idea was bitter enough to make him frown.

“Well, at least it’s going to be different with you.” Renjun said. “I won’t need to force you to hangout with me… since you want to be with me so badly".

“S-Shut up!” Jeno said, blushing fiercely as he shoved his knuckles on Renjun’s head. “W-Why do you think that?

“You kissed me even when I was dating someone!” Renjun poked, his hard words sticking on Jeno’s heart. “That’s not very nice, you know?”

“D-Don’t try to blame me!” he cried, embarrassed. He wanted to forget about that but also couldn’t -and deep down, he treasured that memory-.

“I’m not blaming you, I’m glad you like me…” Renjun confessed, peering up at Jeno. “You like me, right?"

Jeno bit his lip, narrowing his eyes. He realized he never confessed his feelings and those were Renjun’s assumptions so it was normal that he got his doubts. He never though he could confess, so he wasn’t even sure of what to say. It was as wanting something so badly for so long but actually never picturing getting it.

Wanting to do things right, Jeno decided it was better to make it as clear as he could. He took a deep breath and sat next to Renjun.

“Injun,” He started, without looking at the person next to him. "I don't know what happens to me whenever I see you, the effect you have on me...I can't even describe it,” Jeno looked at the sky, realizing how clear it was at that time how they could actually see the sun. “Your happiness is so important to me and I'm going to stand by your even if your happiness is destined to be with someone else because I-” Jeno took a deep breath, "Uh, I... I, uh... I... Fuck it. I like you so much, Jun." He finished, glancing at Renjun, realizing his face was red as a cherry. “R-Renjun?”

“…you are so stupid.” He rustled, before closing his eyes and pressing his mouth against Jeno’s.

"I like you too, I'm sorry it took so long."

They kiss long and soft, until their lips became swollen and both laughed at the tickling sensation on their mouths.

**Author's Note:**

> :)


End file.
